A Way with Silence

In the way that one charms through drawls and intonations... there is something that is both much more delightful as it is horrific when it's displayed through silence. A few weekends ago, when I was alone in the LACMA gift shop buying Yoshitomo Nara keychains and posters to fill in another existential void, I pleaded to the higher aboves for some sort of communication from the person I wanted it the most from. Instead, I was met with silence while God laughed at me. How do I manage to stay so naive?

I go to the same bar every weekend to drink an espresso martini or a Long Island and twist on leather stools and enjoy the dimness of a semi-crowded nightlife atmosphere. Although I hate liquor and it does nothing but draw me to my phone to write stupidly to the people who I want to hear from the most, to which I typically don't, I still write and I still can't help but wish.

How I am so close yet so far, but then I lose myself in obsession and keep myself paces back from where I once was... I look at billboards and people and everything that I can see right in front of me for signs that I'm once again advancing. However, I now know that when I remove myself from obsession and redirect that energy back to myself, that is when I have everything that I want. Abundance is almost always with me.

I like to be isolated in crowded spaces. I love restaurants, walking about cities, and nights out just to feel alone in crowds of people. That way, I don't feel so alone. I know other people cling to noise and glittering stars the same way I do in hopes to cure their obsessions and come back to themselves. Even when I still think of that person who I want so badly to fit into my cubby that I've spaced out for myself in this world, I know that I have everything I need when I'm met with nothing but silence.