April's Fool

Pier Angeli talking about her first role as Mirella in Tomorrow Is Too Late (1950): "Like when you drink cold, cold water and feel it run like ice inside. I felt I was another girl, not me."

It was a long month and not in a bad way. I feel like I learned so many thing. I understand so much more now than I did before April tided over. I learned that lovingkindness is a word. How beautiful the world is when you keep looking around the corner and in the stillness of society.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

Bad Behavior by Mary Gaitskill

Dipping into surreal romanticism and melancholic control. Haunted beauty. Black calla lillies and moonflowers.

I've grown quite fond of Ivette. She walks with me during breaks and I feel like she resonates with me in the sense that we were both sheltered and fawned and are cautious in a weird way. She has a pink Hello Kitty cutlery set for lunch. We used her ridiculous fork to use chili oil during lunch one afternoon, except the oil was so faint. Chili paste? Just chili?

Bibliomancy is an underrated form of divination. It's for sure more profound than scrolling on a feed generated by your own interests and delusions. What happened to deluding yourself organically? GMO-free jumping to conclusion... Mmm my favorite! Who's hungry?

I'm trying to unlearn the association of pain with growth, suffering with initiation. I have been under the hypnosis of needing the applause after the suffering and triumph after tragedy. I think my idolization was written in the stars, but I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I want to move on from finding the beauty in intimacy that destroys me. I can no longer bare the ache of praying that someone meet me where my soul is and the searing pain of watching their potential never truly realize. I want to be proud of myself. I want to partake in touchable sacredness. I no longer want to be the baby fawn that leads astray to confounding penance. I kiss absolution goodbye and watch it drift off further into the sea. Now my being is conducive to self-edification. Now I'm ready.

I keep thinking of scenes in movies I want realized. I think of someone proclaiming, "Gonna take care of you forever pretty baby. Swear to God." To who? I'm not sure yet. Maybe there's a palm on the small of her back. Maybe it's from a balcony like Romeo and Juliet. All I know is I want everything in life made holy and pretty! I want to do art house films and longingly stare out the window. 

Set Up Wi-Fi Network by tomohirosibuyahappyanimals

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 ♬ SECRETARY, Not A Victim ♬

Arguably my favorite video essay of all time. I listened to it as background noise this past month in between writing. This Mary Gaitskill essay was linked. so good

:¨·.·¨: Get Drunk -- Lana Del Rey :¨·.·¨:

ʚ ɞ Byung-Chul Han Interview by ZDF Aspekt ʚ ɞ

🌧️༘♡ Kinky Love -- Pale Saints 🌧️༘♡