Some May, Some June
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| Vivian Jenna Wilson ph. Dorothy Sing Zhang |
*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
Firstly, everything I can remember:
May 14th: Cried on the train listening to Faye Webster. In "Sometimes" she says: "And I want a kid, one that looks like you and me." I've heard it before, but every time I'm passing the Grapevine or any passage where I can see the sky and the mountains so clearly, I just get more emotional.
May 21st: Had the best cake I ever had in my life. When we left the diner, Adrian played Georgy Porgy by Toto and I thought to myself, "Wow, music has never been so good."
June 3rd: Started summer school. Why I'm in grad school? Pure impulse. The same impulse that has me interning at my mechanic's shop and joining a copywriting group and putting a cool damp cloth on what it is that I actually want.
June 5th: I was supposed to see 54 Ultra on June 4th, but everyone bailed. I was so bummed, so my mom and I went to Burbank because Burbank feels like something you can't put your finger on and I'm no stranger to that. On the way there, I finished reading Hardboiled & Hard Luck by Banana Yoshimoto. It was weird to work through the last bits about grieving. My mom was driving and asked me what the book was about. I told her that I didn't know, but there were little instances in which the narrator would experience something that reminded her of her sister and how deeply it affected her. My mom said she felt the same when her mom passed away, as if she was being haunted by how such a large chunk of her life had just been bitten off. We went to the Goodwill that my mom and my grandma first went to when they migrated to Los Angeles. It's not the same as it was even a couple years ago. I overheard one of the guys as the cash register say that he picks some of the clothes and resells them online. I couldn't listen anymore, so my mom and I went to Portos, which is 1 of 2 reasons to be in that part of Burbank anyways. The other reason is Pinocchio Restaurant. We bought some pastries to take back home and drove past jacarandas and further into the city.
My mom drove us to Amoeba. I was surprised that she was okay with going in there since she doesn't particularly care about things like that, but I was under the impression that she felt bad for how down I've been lately. She sat at the bench near the entrance while I went to go find a Faye Webster record to honor how much of a crybaby I've been. I can't be at places with copious amounts of physical media unless I have a set plan because I will be unrestrained and foolish. I found the King Krule eponymous vinyl and dawdled in the French section talking myself out of a Françoise Hardy record. My mom found me and helped. I ended up also getting some random 50s girl group record just cos.
In the twenty-something years of being native to Los Angeles, my mom had never been to the Grove. She's never liked crowds of people, but has become increasingly drawn to pretty things over the years, so she wanted to give it a go. My mom, who is very well-versed in not giving a fuck, was too shy to ask the lady at the Jo Malone counter to test some parfums. I felt like the Messiah of Nordstrom who stepped up when I asked the bleach blonde sales associate for some testers. I split up from my mom to go and decolonize the Brandy Melville (joking, there were Chinese tourists there too) and ended up with just a little dress because I was too shy to ask one of the mean teenage employees to help me reach for a shirt that was too high for me. I was not the Messiah of Brandy Melville.
June 19th: Saray and I had a lovely day like we always do. Our time well spent is usually Korean food, a cafe, walking around, and talking a lot. Went to 보릿고개. Can't stop thinking about that plum juice and the dried persimmon for dessert. Went to Palace Beauty and daydreamed and spoke about change and the future.
ㅤ۫ ׅ 🪡 ᩙ𓈒 ݂
Come June, I booked a flight I didn't want, felt more connected to my physical self... I think? And spent a lot of time enjoying the heat of the summer, burning palo santo, and drinking yummy drinks.
ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
Maybe I am an emotionally unavailable nymph. I watched The Wisdom of Crocodiles and every time Jude Law was up to no good, I laughed. I'd probably be the same if I was a vampire. Adrian and I went to the diner twice, had cake both times. Is something wrong with me? I keep predicting the future, but it's always for other people. I started going to therapy again and I love that my therapist has a stripper name and keeps telling me to submit my writing to places. I always look at her like, "what places..?" The void? I already do that. I keep telling myself to do something, but I keep freezing and I hate it. I thought more, did more, felt more, but it hasn't all came to me yet. I need to listen to myself some more. I think there's a lot of things I have to say and I just need to sit down and listen.
ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
ִֶָ☾. London Nights -- Cartier God ִֶָ☾.
⊹ ♪ ྀི 𓈒 ๋ Spell -- Blue Magic ⊹ ♪ ྀི 𓈒 ๋
◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ׁ ♥︎⁎̯͡𓉸 Time Will Come -- Tol-Puddle Martyrs ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ׁ ♥︎⁎̯͡𓉸
🩹 ִֶָ☾. Ghost -- Machine Girl 🩹 ִֶ☾.
You write beautifully. You have a gift
ReplyDeletethank you<3 i do enjoy dipping into the tides of beauty now nd then<3xx
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