U must be hallucinating.......



Mikako Ichikawa in Cutie Honey (2004)

Raf Simons AW97 for Dazed and Confused Magazine No. 33

@sooyeounvv


@cccmolina

by Lexee Smith

Remembering beautiful things in fragments when I think of gratitude. On New Year's Day, my mom and I went to a Yemeni cafe and took a walk in the park. A man riding his bike passed us by and he had two pretty birds perched on either shoulder. They were identical, with yellow and green feathers. Like love birds. We left and my mom wanted to stop by a church to pray. I looked and the white roses and the blue sky and hoped for something, but I'm not sure what. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·. A couple years back I used to own a pair of leather Margiela loafers that I wore religiously. The right loafer broke at the sole while I attended a hearing for one of my cases and I was so upset that I ended up leaving the courthouse. I went to Trader Joe's to buy some dark chocolate peanut butter cups as reparations and went home. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·. One of my hot pilates instructors is 24, tall and strong with pretty, curly bangs like a sweet puppy I would see in a viral Internet video. Our warmup song was Sugar Water by Cibo Matto. She played Kylie Minogue and Aphex Twin. There was a part in our flow with an optional inversion that I wanted to try and I confused myself with the directions and accidentally said "Am I crazy?" out loud. After savasana and cold towels, she always offers essential oils to dab onto our wrists. We bonded over the tranquility in being in dark warm rooms. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·.  There was a twinkle in my left eye as I stared at my ceiling. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·.  I had a dream that King Krule released a new song that was 16 minutes long and the beginning sounded like background music for a girls dress up game. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·.  Three white butterflies. My birthday. Your birthday. .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·. I think of Mia Farrow's Instagram captions, specifically "Way back then in the middle of forever". .·:*¨¨*𝓁𝑜đ’ļ𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔...*¨¨*:·. I think of rabbit holes and bunnyisms.

I can't shake the feeling that this year's lesson is "Closed mouths don't get fed." I'm trying to abandon shame more and more each day. I think ego death is sexy and a little necessary if you want to play with me. My other 2026 forecasts are as follows: 

I wanted to see if one of my poems would get published. Like a gracious fool, I paid for my submission and wrote a self-bio that said "My name is Sam and I'm a minx from the West Coast." I got an email back saying something along the lines of "I'm gonna have to pass on this one." So there's that......

Can I use you 
as my talisman

Can I lay you 
on my altar 
and dress you
for sacrifice

When you look at me
do you see God 
Or something worse

I ended up at a tea party on Valentine's Day, except it wasn't really like at tea party at all. The tea wasn't served and no one had cut into the cake two hours in. There were four people sat in a circle on the carpet and an artist who reminded me of Thora Birch's character in Ghost World drawing on polaroids while their dog wandered about the small cubicle-sized showroom tucked inside a building in Culver City of all places. No one was really standoffish. I think shy or aloof would be better. I tried to initiate a conversation about good Italian spots in LA, but it died down quick. My friend and I wanted to be brave, which is why we were there dolled up in the first place, but it was clear there wouldn't be tea and that it wasn't a party. We dipped and as soon as we turned the corner we couldn't help but laugh. My friend said something about how they had so much potential to make the event something it was not. I said something about how soulless Culver City felt and how people probably shouldn't be here on Valentine's of all days. We went for Italian and finished with tiramisu to make up for missed connections and zero cake-cutting.

♬♩♪♩ Sing me a lullaby... ♩♪♩♬

Sugar Water -- Cibo Matto °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
đŸĢ Enjoy Yourself -- berryblue đŸĢ
ęĢ‚❁ Girl -- Feng ęĢ‚❁
īŽŠŲ¨Ų€īŽŠīŽŠŲ¨Ų€♡īŽŠŲ¨Ų€īŽŠīŽŠŲ¨Ų€ Get Lit -- A$AP Rocky ft. Fat Tony

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